Week 1: Weight Results & Lessons Learned

So a few weeks ago I posted about how I was changing my diet plan from Weight Watchers to a Doctor/Nutrionist supervised HCG/B12 combined with an 800 calorie day eating plan.  In that post I discussed how I would have to work hard for 3-4 months to achieve my ultimate weight goal and while reaching my goal so quickly feels a little like bucking the system, I know from experience it will take hard work to get there and even harder work to maintain the weight.

(what a day of eating looks like for me)

In light of that, I discussed how this journey is just as much about me finding freedom from addiction to food, struggle with seeking it for comfort, and a history of binge eating.  I began my diet last Thursday and had my first weigh in yesterday.  I am SO thrilled to be down 6.2lbs for my first week (which only included 4 days of eating 800 calories so I'm anxious to see next week's numbers!).

As excited as I am about the weightloss, I'm also very excited about the change working in me.  I bought a journal last Thursday and have been writing at least every other day about what I'm learning - mostly about myself - as I wage war internally to overcome and win this addiction to food and binge eating.  Ultimately I know I could seek therapy and get professional help, but I've really come to believe the issue is deeply rooted between me and God.

a sweaty mess after 13 minutes walking/7 minutes jogging (at a 4.5 - the pacest pace I've ever ran!)

I know the binge eating started when I was in High School and went through a semi-traumatic experience and that my weight has just yo-yoed since even to the point of self-sabatoge when I get to my goal weight.  I know facing my demons and getting to the root of my problems will be so vital and important in overcoming and I believe I can overcome.  I believe I'm stronger than my past and I don't want it to define me years later and keep me in bondage to this struggle with weight and food.

This week I've already learned so much about how I seek food when my environment is chaotic or when I go into a day without a plan.  I've learned that although I'm not a person who minds a good pajama day, not getting ready and investing time in myself in the morning is vital to my outlook, mood and success for the day.  I've learned little things like getting outside or exercising does better my mood and my resolve and my outlook on life.

And I've impressed myself.  When given the chance to slum or work, I chose work.  I chose to work out and I've been making it a priority every day since.  Even if the work is a 20 minute walk when I can  and then 15 minutes with arm weights later and 10 minutes working my core even later, it's something and it's time invested little by little in making myself better and feeling proud of myself for deciding to just do.

It's early in my diet and things like choosing to exercise may not come so easily in the coming weeks, but my resolve is to change myself and maybe in the situations where my world feels chaotic instead of seeking to find control in eating, I can find control in NOT eating or getting outside or picking up my weights and keeping good form.

And there's been lots of praying.  Lots of soul searching.  I was just talking to my Mom today about sin and over eating and weight problems as sin.  We discussed wether or not like any other sin we believed you could be made free.  I believe I can be made free.  I don't believe the struggle will ever end because I think this is it, this is my struggle, this is what will plague me my whole life.  But I do think I can be the victor day after day and even if I'm not for one day, I can be the next meal or the next day.  I don't have to spiral downward and I don't have to make that choice.  I believe I can be healed and whole and free from this.

I don't know how many will care about the emotional parts of this journey, but I want to keep sharing bits and pieces of the not-too-personal-just-between-me/God/husband-stuff with you because I believe there are tons of women (and men!) who struggle with this same plight and maybe my openness can help you.

a skirt i bought at j crew factory (for $20) 2 sizes smaller as motivation through the journey.