These last couple of years as I've embraced the life of a stay-at-home-Mom (or as I like to call it, as a "homemaker"), I've had several friends ask me how I do it. In some cases they mean, "How do you just take care of little people all day-- that sounds so boring!" but in MOST cases they mean, "How do you afford it?" I love talking to friends about staying home. I know the majority of women who are Mamas and working would rather be staying home with their children and from the bottom of my heart I wish EVERY woman had that option. But for those of you who are thinking about it or wondering, this post is dedicated to you! I feel like so much of my information is obvious, but when I think back to things Josh and I have done right and wrong to financial prepare for this I can pinpoint smart and stupid financial decisions so maybe it just seems obvious because hindsight is 20/20. ;)
So here we go (but before we do, I want you to know this post is long and wordy so I included some side shots of cute little fellas and some random shots of food/drink to break it up. So sorry for the randomness)...
ONE ----> Plan ahead (if possible).
Not everyone will have this option, but if you're just getting married or haven't started a family or laying down routes and you and your husband both want you staying home with kids to be your future start by making major financial decisions based SOLELY on your spouses income. If this is possible, this is really my best advice. Josh and I knew early on we wanted to start a family fairly quickly (our first baby was born 9 days before our 2 year wedding anniversary) and that when that happened we wanted me to be home with our kids. So, for example, when we went to buy our house and attain a mortgage we sat down and added up all our bills and a few new bills we knew we'd acquire with a house payment and then calculated what we could afford as a monthly house payment based only on that information. We were approved for much more than we spent and when we bought our house we made more money combined because we both worked, but knowing there was a time coming we wouldn't have that second check we didn't want to put ourselves in a bind where paying a mortgage depended on two checks or by assuming Josh would make more money by a certain time. We've applied this same principle to buying a car or any other major purchase along the way. We definitely missed my pay check when it went away, but because it was never factored into any of our expenses (bills, living costs, etc), we were able to slide into the one paycheck thing pretty gracefully.
TWO ----> Always be aware of your finances.
This has been hard to learn, but over the years of my staying home (3 years in April, actually), I've had to sit down with pen and paper (or an Excel spreadsheet) and just track. Where is our money going? How much did we spend on groceries last month? Gas? Until we figured out how to properly budget we needed to track what we spent. If we budgeted $80 a week for groceries but were spending $130 a week for groceries, that's a serious problem and it takes monitoring to get back on top of things. Monitoring your finances also alerts you to spending habits you may not find important if you're trying to change your lifestyle and stay home. You may notice you spend $20 a month on Starbucks and $85 a month on cable and $200 a month eating out and going to movies and that money could be the difference between you working and you staying home, which brings me to...
THREE ----> Find your priorities.
When I was pregnant with our second child, we sold my car. I figured I wouldn't want to take two boys 14 months apart out much anyway and the situation to sell was really beneficial to us. We spent the next year focusing on paying off Josh's car and sharing when we needed to. It was really, really, really hard to not have a car every day (particularly because Josh works 30 minutes away from home so taking him/picking him up from work with two tiny babies was super inconvenient) and there were SO many times I wanted to just take a second car payment but that would have been so much strain and just not smart. We stuck with the plan and last summer after much waiting we purchased me a car that's newer than Josh's but used and has lower payments than his did. It would have been better to wait and pay cash for that car, but waiting until we had just one car we were paying on seemed smart too. And now I'm SO thankful to have a car and be able to take the kids to the park or the grocery store. Along the way we've also eliminated cable twice. Once to save money on our checks and now to apply to saving for our annual Disney World trip. That $95 we were paying each month really adds up and during one season it was money we needed back and in this season it's our ticket to going to our favorite place and enjoying a great family vacation! I've also cut back personally on getting my hair colored, we dropped our gym memberships and dusted off the 'ole treadmill, and we save up money for big purchases. Our first financial priority is ensuring I can remain staying home with our boys so each decision we make thereafter is centered on that decision.
FOUR ----> BUDGET & stick to it!
This is so important and something we haven't always done. After studying our spending habits we were able to make a budget. After trying many systems of managing money within a budget we've found the cash "envelope" system works best for us. Basically what we do is assign an amount of money for the week to different categories (ex. groceries, eating out, boys' needs, etc) and then put that amount of money in an envelope. I put receipts in an old pickle jar and write down what I've spent since cash isn't as easily tracked. Before we did this I hated not knowing where my money went especially when I thought I should have more than I did! For us, cash is just the most tangible. Even sliding a check card makes money feel magical and endless when it's definitely NOT but when I have cash and I see I have one $10 bill left behind the $20 I pull out to pay for dinner, I know "OK, BE careful!"
FIVE ----> Be involved in finances together.
I've always handled our money mostly because I've always had more time. When I worked I was an office assistant and later a customer service representative and that just left me with idle time and obsessive compulsive spreadsheet making. And time to actually log on and pay bills. Then babies came and I had to find a new system to track (I've simplified and gone back to 1992 with a pen and notebook now) spending, write budgets, and I still use the computer to pay bills (because hello, it's 2013). For a long time I was usually aware of finances but Josh wasn't. And then sometimes I wasn't. And after a weekend of buying lots of groceries and eating out a few meals I'd be all "OH crap! Lockdown!" and apparently that's pretty stressful for the other person (ha!) and he hated not knowing. So we switched and he did it and I hated not knowing especially when he was all, "OH crap!" SO. Now, we have budget meetings. I know it sounds so dorky, but when you stay home it's kind of a fun thing because you feel fancy and important. Every two weeks we make hot tea and sit at the kitchen table each with our respective notebooks and pens. I prepare ahead of time so I know how much bills are, what the month's upcoming expenses are (because I like to forecast the whole month not just two weeks) and what cash we need to pull. Then he copies my work into his notebook and we discuss where our money went last paycheck and what we could do better or "high five we dominated that paycheck! holla!" And then his eyes glaze over and I'm all "Ok, let's go over our menu plan now and tell me if you like this..." ;)
SIX ----> Find a way to contribute.
If you're not a stay-at-home-Mom, you may not know this but those of us who stay home have days were we feel awful for what we do. We don't feel bad for staying home and what's accomplished in a day (teaching our kids, changing their diapers, playing, cleaning, cooking, budgeting, planning, enriching...), no. We feel bad when our husbands come home from work tired and drained and stressed because a tire has low tread and we need to start budgeting for that and planning and we just wish we could help. We feel like we owe it to the family to go grab a night shift at Wal Mart and throw $100 in the pot each week because just $100 is a new tire and maybe that stress will go away. At least I think we ALL feel that way. I do. Every few months we have conversations where I say I should get a job working a few nights a week. And then we discuss how horrible that would be on our marriage and how it's not necessary because life is great. And then I decide I need to sell Scentsy because that seems profitable! ...And then I'm reminded that we may invest in the product only to be party less and if I did have parties every Saturday that's Saturdays away from the family when we have our time together. And then I wonder if I should offer to nanny but feel like it'd be hard to divide my attention 3 ways and I'd obviously treat the nannied kid different than my kids... And so it goes. The endless cycle of guilt. But do you know what helps me? Finding OTHER ways to contribute.
For example, I coupon! Couponing takes me a lot of time but it saves on our grocery bills and and has reduced our grocery budget a lot. And when I have to buy things without coupons like produce or meat I look for good deals and plan my days/outings with the kids to go pick it up. And I cook dinner on (most) of the nights I'd rather order pizza because even if a large pizza feeds us and is $6.50 we have all the stuff here for breakfast for dinner and that will cost nothing. And that stress I notice from my husband? I try to help eliminate extra stressors. Our kids are the WORST at bedtime. They want to stay awake for an hour just sitting in bed. So at least a few times a week I try to offer to put the kids to bed sans my husband's help because from the moment he's home he's showered with attention and needs from the kids and he hasn't had any time to relax yet. And I try to keep the house tidy (except when I'm sick and it's not) and encourage J to help me pick up his toys off the living room floor so it's not a pit when his Dad gets home. I cut my family's hair. I learned to cut Josh's when we were dating and have his down but now I'm learning the boys' hair. Their hair may not look perfect yet, but I'll have it soon and with every Saturday spent cutting hair I'm saving $50+. So those are just a few ideas of what I do. Some save money, some save on stress, but both seem to help keep me from feelings of "not doing enough." There are TONS of women who can nanny to stay home and LOVE it. There are tons of women who have a thousand friends and do great at Scentsy and it doesn't take them more than a few hours a week. There are some women who work part time jobs outside of their husband's work schedule and it's seamless and the time away doesn't effect their marriage. One of these options may work for you if you have to have extra income but maybe not the full pay check you bring in now as a working Mom. Maybe you could clean houses? Or type papers for college/MBA students who are working (is that a real thing or am I in 1992 again?)?
To close, I want to tell you what I tell my friends... If you want to stay home, I want that for you! If you believe it's your life's calling, do it! Have a meeting with your spouse. Do your work. Look at how you spend, your bills, how to save, how much money you need. Decide what's not important you could cut to get to stay home but have a simpler lifestyle or decide what kind of part time or side job would work for you! Just try and see what happens. When I was a toddler and my Mom was pregnant with my brother, she worked. She cleaned houses and had a bank job and she left me with sweet older people who cared for me, but she didn't want that. She wanted to stay home. She approached my Dad who wanted the same and when they added their income they had just enough to pay bills off my Dad's paychecks -- no living expense or fun money, just bills. But they believed that it was what was right for her and our family and they took a step of faith and just did it. In the beginning my Dad worked more but as time when on and he promoted in the business world and even went on to own his own company it all worked out for them. It wasn't easy at first and it was a hard transition, but it worked and they are so thankful they did it and I am too! Having a stay at home Momma made me confident at a young age that was what I wanted to do and in turn I was able to plan ahead for this getting married. :)
Do you stay home? What did you have to change in your life to do it? Cut cable? Sell a car? Are you hoping to stay home? If so I hope you comment. I'd love to pray for you! And I very much hope any of this information helped you!
