5 Minute Friday: Tree

Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker today for her 5-minute writing exercise (focused writing on one word for 5 minutes, no edits or concern for proper punctuation necessary, just honest raw, writing).  The theme this week is tree:

When we were dating we often found ourselves ending our time together at a local lake.  We'd finish up doing the fun things or the errands or being silly or having great conversations and then we'd stroll about the lake until we stopped strolling and parked ourselves under our tree.

It was under that tree we had our first snuggle.  I sat leaned into him and we shared our hopes and dreams.  We talked about family and life goals and what we wanted to feel about how we'd lived life when we were 80.

And then, after 9 months of dating and talking and sharing and living and being so swept up in the so-in-love-you-can-barely-breathe magic, he took me back to our tree and got down on one knee and asked me to live out our dreams with him forever.

Of course I said yes.  And I kissed him there under our tree.

We came back every now and then when we'd walk the lake early in our marriage, but then we moved to a new city.  We hardly go back now.  It's been years since we've seen that tree.

Although that is somewhat sad in certain ways… the not seeing something that was once so important… we now have more.  We have a living tree.  It's routed in us and in this marriage.  The roots twist and link and grow from our lives spent together these last 6 years.  From the fights and the stand offs and hurt feelings and the pain of loss or hurt and the best moments and the worst moments and the beauty in creating new life together and the compromise and the falling deeper in to love because you are unfolding the depths of the others soul and having a lot of fun in the through thick and through thin…

And the new tree has spouted and branches they are forming.  This son.  That son.  Our home.  Our life.  Our pain.  Our joy.  Our failures.  Our success.  Our family.  We are one at the roots of that tree (we are the seed) and coming from us isn't something so stoic and tangible like the tree by the lake we sat under that first time, but it is real and has soul and life and it is ours.

What I Wore Wednesday

Linking up for WIWW with The Pleated Poppy today!  I'm officially down 80lbs this week and am enjoying being back on Weight Watchers to lose these last 14lbs.  I'm also enjoying purchasing new clothes (size 10 & M and NOT 16-18 and XL!) and putting outfits together.  Here's a few from last week and Father's Day.  :)

Church outfit: Father's Day

necklace: Groopdealz

dress: Forever 21

belt: H&M

flip flops: Lauren Conrad for Kohls here

P.S. What do you think of the belt with this outfit? I can't decide if it'd be better without it!

Church this last Sunday

(& on a side note this skirt was purchased in March when I was a size 16 and 223lbs! It's a 12 from J Crew factory that started fitting around 175! SUCH a good feeling!)

necklace: Groopdealz

top: Old Navy 

skirt: J Crew Factory

wedges: Payless

Normal day cleaning & working around the house:

top: forever 21

shorts: Old Navy 

Worn to the library & to have a picnic in the park with the kids!

necklace: Old Navy

top: H&M

shorts: Old Navy

Worn Saturday (Josh's birthday!) to the mall to see Monsters University with the kids:

top: Kohls (Elle)

shorts: Old Navy (similar)

flip flops: Old Navy

Special birthday date night with my husband to see the Superman movie:

necklace: Old Navy

top: Kohls

capris: Kohls

Worn to a Weight Watchers & then to the mall for lunch with the kids:

As much as I'm enjoying shopping for clothes I'm still having trouble finding a swimsuit I like but my old bikini (WHY did I wear a bikini?) from my pre-preggo 195lbs days is starting to just hang now!

What Mama Did: the adventures

This week I've loved reading along on the Gypsy Mama's website as lovely bloggers (including one of my favorites, Sarah Bessey) have shared "What Mama Did."  It's had me thinking all week about my own Mom and my childhood and I'm happy Lisa-Jo has extended her torch to the rest of us bloggers to take 5 minutes to write what our own Mama did in our own little space.  Ready, set, go...

My Mom took us on adventures.  In the summer or during spring break or maybe even on a day we felt a little like we had a stomach bug (but not really) and we had adventures.  She had an old book my Grandpa gave her full of the ghost towns in Oklahoma and we made an effort to hunt out those towns and explore broken down homes and school houses.  Oftentimes, my Grandparents went with us and we lunched in old museums or a restored home or by lakes and then there were gift shops and someone would buy me something special like Indian moccasins or a fringed "Indian" purse which left me feeling a little more adventurous.  And then we'd head off back on the Oklahoma roads to our destination.  Sometimes the houses would be too broken down to explore and we'd drive on... Then we might discover an old park or a lake with a rope swing over the water.  But when they weren't too broken down we'd go in and see glass bottles and broken windows and walls old and crumbling holding onto the last breaths of the families long gone from those homes.  It felt magical and scary and it made me feel like I was a part of something big and great.

...And sometimes, the adventures were simple.  We weren't loading up in the car and winding down the Oklahoma roads we were just in the kitchen and I was writing a book about Barney and she was helping.  Or I was painting a shirt or KEDs with 3D fabric paint and thinking I was so awesome and she was so awesome because this is how we spent an afternoon.

And there was always a cookie jar full of Oreos.  That was glorious.

And my childhood felt magical and full and intentional and adventurous and happy and complete.  Thanks, Mom.

Not UNkind.

It doesn't feel like 2013 has been kind to us.  It seems like every week (or weekend!) we've had sick kids or we've been sick.  I hardly ever get sick (I'm the Mom-- the Mom is supposed to stay well all the time because the Mom takes care of it all all the time), but in the last month I've been sick twice.  The blow was crushing this last weekend when my husband complained Friday morning of feeling awful and I wasn't feeling well myself by day's end.  We had so many fun plans for the weekend-- literally the first weekend of the entire year we weren't a family of sickies or a family resting/recovering from being sick the previous week.  I was mad.  And disappointed.  Mostly very disappointed.

And how hard is it to Mother gently when you're sick?  Your patience is thin so the small things become huge and you hear yourself using all your strength to yell and you feel badly because you're not the Mom you want to be, but you also just feel bad for yourself because maybe just once you could have yourself to take care of instead of settling onto the couch only to be informed of a diaper needing changing, a robot you need to help build, a snack needed, a drink requested, pleas to go outside...

And I sit there on the couch while I'm being screeched at and this and that is demanded of me and I think about how hard this is and how I hate it and I swear up and down as soon as I'm better we're going out; we're doing fun things!  And then I remember how we're limited in the fun thing because of the 15 month old's inability to walk which harkens me back to the physical therapy appointment Friday and how emotional and hard is was and I think again how unkind 2013 has been.

But that's not true.  It hasn't been unkind.  It's actually been a year rich in blessings in only the short time we've spent in this new calendar.  We've had needs and wants and seen them met.  Our blessings have been multiplied.  Our God has provided.  Despite being sick we've stayed relatively healthy.  Our son who cannot walk has already shown so much improvement in his exercising this week and hopefully by the end of this month's therapy he'll be discharged and walking just in time for the glorious spring weather and he'll be able to explore the park and the zoo and the backyard in a whole new way.

It's easy to get down when you think about all the bad things and the disappointments.  And when you're down, it's easy to feel really down and in the pits and yell at your kids because you're blue and bummed.  But if you (I, I, I...) focus on the positive and see the blessings and the good things and the hand of God in our lives then I see the bad isn't really that bad and all in all it's been one heck of a year.

--Linking up to "Just Write" today.

Messy Motherhood: Encouragement

I'm happy to take a break from writing about food or parties and essentially the things I've been doing to REALLY talk about the thing I live to do: Motherhood.

Did you read Kara's 31 days of Messy Motherhood (she actually stuck it out all 31 days in October unlike me!)?  If not, you should.  It won't take long, but you'll be encouraged.  I know I sure was (go here to read) and sometimes her words and encouragement hit the nail on the head for me.  I think the most encouraging thing in the world is finding out you are not alone in ____.  One day, that was reading that I was not alone in going days without a shower.  Another day, that was reading that what I was doing was important because it's so easy for it to feel unimportant.  Another day, it was a reminder everyone's house looks as terrible as mine.  See?  Encouragement.

So, at the end of her 31 days, I was excited to hear Kara was doing a link up each month to continue the encouragement.  I wanted to be a part of the series because like her, I feel so deeply for Moms in this season of life (or any season, really, this is just the season I know) at home each day with babies and toddlers and diaper changes and counting practice and beautiful monotony that is the shaping of little minds and hearts.

That being said, here's my answers to the questions Kara posted this month on encouragement.

1. What is the best way you've been encouraged as a Mom?

Having friends who are real with me and also in the trenches.  This season is hard and it was made harder when I spent most of last year having two under two.  I have plenty of friends I can chat with, but there are a few who I can really dive deep with in real life or on social media and those friendships are invaluable.  CS Lewis (who our first born is named for!) said that friendship is defined as, "What? You too?" and I totally agree.  The women who have blessed me so much are the ones who are open and honest about their dirty houses, their frustrations, their struggles with feeling lonely or isolated or anxious or angry or whatever!  Those friends who are real with me allow me to open up and express my slew of emotions and then when those emotions are uncovered, I'm a better Mom and wife.  If there were no conversations with loved ones who also KNOW what I'm going through on a certain day, it's likely I'd end that day feeling like an even worse Mom and wife for losing my temper and being disconnected.  I'm thankful for you, my friends, who do life in a real way side by side with these boys of mine and me and help keep me sane.  Thank you!

2. How can you encourage a Mom who's been through the ringer? (bed rest, sick kids, tough home life, etc)

Honestly?  I don't know.  I wish I did because I have people I wish I could be better at encouraging who are in these situations.  I never know what to do, if I'm doing enough or if I'm trying to do too much and am being overly involved and an unwelcome presence.  That being said, my go to way to help a Mom friend in need are...

- Make a meal or two (one to eat tonight, one to freeze for later).
- Send snail mail.  Who doesn't love pretty mail and it's amazing how a little card can lift someone's spirits!
- Offer to babysit their kids even if it's just for an hour so they can take a nap, meet their husband for lunch, or go to the grocery store alone.
- Get a small gift card for the Mom to treat herself.  Maybe you'd love to go for coffee but she's occupied with whatever.  Why not send her a $5 Starbucks gift card so she can pick up a cup when she's out and about and think of you.
- Prayers.  It seems the least effective outreach on paper, but it matters and I have had plenty of days where a text from a good friend saying she's praying for me has been such a blessing and I've known if not for her prayers, I wouldn't have made it through the day.  Recently I weaned my baby and I got a text from my Aunt saying she was praying for me and I responded to tell her how hard E was having it even in that moment.  She immediately responded that she was now praying for him and as soon as I read her text, he fell asleep for the first time all day.  Prayer is powerful and moments like that where you see it work you feel so very blessed that someone would take the time to pray for you.

3. Encouragement starts at home. How do you and your husband encourage one another?

My husband is great about reminding me that I'm a good Mom, wife, cook, etc.  Those words of affirmation are important to me and help keep me going.  He's also good about not complaining too much if the house is in disarray for several days when he knows we've had a tough week.  I personally like to have it clean because I feel better when it's clean and I feel like he deserves that after a hard day, but when I let myself down it's always good to know I haven't let him down.  Likewise, I try to thank my husband for working so hard so I can stay home and live my dream job.  It's all about perspective even on those rough days!  I talk to him about how good of a Dad he is and thank him for being such a wonderful husband.  We make time to spend together each night which is refreshing and fun and causing us to reconnect (we also frequently exchange shoulder rubs or back scratching - yay!).  And more recently, we've taken up not only praying for each other, but letting each other know we're praying for each other especially if we know the other has a particularly rough day ahead.  It means the world to get a text about how proud he is of me and how he's praying for me especially because I know he's SO busy at work and I appreciate him taking time out just to think of me and tell me these things on his mind and heart.

.......

And one more thing... Something I try to do (and don't always succeed at) is to not judge other Moms.  We all make different decisions about how we raise our kids and these decisions are usually always wrestled through and prayed over and they're what we believe are right for our families.  Some Moms cosleep.  Some Moms have their babies cry it out.  Some Moms let their kids do this or that or eat this or that and a slew of other things.  I get so sad and frustrated when I see the "Mommy Wars" because there is no way to tear another Mother down faster than offer your unsolicited opinion of something she has obviously thought out.  We're all different and it's because we were all raised differently.  Likewise, we are all raising our kids differently to see them become individual themselves as adults.  The best encouragement advice I can give is try, try, try not to judge and instead to love.  Feel free to talk about what you do but don't feel like talking about your differences means you need to comment on what your Mom friend is doing differently.  ;)

Worry & Perspective

The littlest one's birthday is in just 6 days.  His party is only in 4 days.  There's a lot of energy and focus being put on him and celebrating this mark of his completing the first year of his life.  While I have plenty of overwhelming feelings about my baby turning one - the key of which being, "HOW?!" - I have a lot of feelings that have erupted in me regarding my oldest and it's those feelings I need to vocalize first.

One year ago, I was a mess of emotion.  I was overwhelmed and so very excited to be ushering in a new son, but I was horrified at how it would effect J.  I was so very afraid he'd change.  I thought when he met his brother and had to deal with the divided attention from me (and others) without being old enough to comprehend it, he'd just really... well, I'm not sure what exactly I thought would happen, I just knew it'd be awful and it'd be all my fault.  And I just knew it'd translate into hatred of me and of his brother and sadness and a change in his overall happy, spirited, adventurous personality.  There were so many nights I spent worrying over him.  That worry combined with the normal worry a pregnant woman has for the baby inside of her lead me to having an anxiety attack one night in the second trimester.  It was an attack complete with hyperventilating and an inability to regain control of my emotions that landed me in the ER with my husband.  That was a low.

Looking back I understand a lot of those extreme feelings were hormones.  Some natural, some not, but mostly the hormones were the route of the worry and the fear.  But honestly they were not 100% of the cause.  I'm that way naturally.  I worry.  I fear.  I think of the worst thing and dwell on it mentally while outwardly portraying myself as the most positive person ever (this is not a lie, per say, it's more my attempt at tricking myself into being a very optimistic person! lol).  It's a major flaw of mine.  And while I've had life experiences that justify certain types of worry, and while I'm a "clued in" enough person to know it's good to be a little worried because it keeps you cautious and ever-present in the happenings in and around your child's life, I know deep down worry to an extreme extent is not right.  And it's not healthy.

So while I sit here a year later, literally typing this post with J on my back, arms wrapped around my neck and nose smashed into my ear so I can hear him breathing while down below us E is playing with a balloon... I have perspective.  We've survived a year as a family of four.  I lived a year as a Mom to two little boys.  I braved hurdles like actually going to sleep, taking a shower while being the only adult in the house, taking both of my children out with other adults, taking my children out by myself, figuring out how to spend one-on-one time with each boy at some point during the day while still taking time for myself... I don't have it all figured it out perfectly, but I've figured it out in a way that works and guess what?  We're all happy.

We're all giving and getting attention and working together and loving each other and there are fights.  Yes.  There is jealousy.  Yes.  There were very hard moments in the beginning were J did look at E like, "You're ruining my life!" and were I sat sobbing in a hospital room overwhelmed with the baby crying for me besides me while I could hear my toddler screaming, "Mom! Mommy!" over the phone as my husband explained to me J was walking around the house looking for me... But now MOST days they get along.  Now, MOST days I find them playing together at some point.  And although there's constant correcting (..."Don't ride E like a horse!"  "Don't talk to E like a dog!"  "Don't take his toy!" "E, don't pull his hair!"  "E, you spilled his milk!") there's a bond.  There's a precious brother bond I dreamed of and hoped for and it's in it's very early stages of development, but it exists and in it I'm reminded that I didn't ruin J's life and that as a result of a brother 14 months younger than him he did not change.  He's still happy.  He's still brave.  He's still adventurous.  And now he's more things... he's mature and kind and he shares well and he cares about people - especially little people.  He is good and he's made better for having his little brother.

I know there will be moments J might feel like E ruins his life.  Especially when they're teenagers and life gets so dramatic, but I know something now I wasn't sure of a year ago.  By having a brother only 14 months younger than him, we've enhanced J's life.  My dream is that it's always enhanced in that he has a forever best friend (maybe he and E can even been the next "Property Brothers" or like Owen and Luke Wilson...) he stays close to throughout adulthood, but if that doesn't happen, I realize that at least he has someone to teach him more about character and being a better more loving person.

I should really worry less.  The things I obsess and freak out over tend to work out in ways that are so far beyond my comprehension of the thing in the moment, and often, they work out to be really, really great things that didn't need so much worry and overanalyzing in the first place.

I tweeted this yesterday. Follow me here if you're on Twitter!

I'm linking up with Heather and the Extraordinary Ordinary for "Just Write" for the first time today.  I love using this blog for tips, pretty things, and recipes, but it's nice to open up and share my heart with you all too.

*31 days will resume tomorrow where I'll talk about actual costs of a Disney World trip.

5 Things I'm Loving: October Edition + a smoothie recipe!

I love this link up with Julie's blog and have missed out on it the last few months!  So now that I'm back on the blog scene (and feeling a little like I'm starting from scratch after shutting my old blog to private a year and a half ago), I'm excited to do another 5 things link up post!

ONE

The HGTV magazine.  I honestly had not read a magazine cover to cover since before J was born over 2 years ago.  I even subscribe to two (Nylon and Disney Family Fun) and they've just stacked up in a drawer begging to be read.  Part of that stack was HGTV's first issue from May they had sent me.  I took it to Disney World and our boys both slept on the long plane ride so from Houston to Orlando I read and read and read and took in beautiful images and inspiration.  I  loved that the magazine wasn't too cluttered with advertisements and was full of good articles and information.  I LOVE Pinterest, but there's something about a magazine in your hand that is so great.  SO, when we got home and were at Sams I picked it up since it was 30% off cover price and finished it that weekend.  It's just so good.  I promise!

TWO

I won't lie.  Having two babies 14 months apart is pretty hard and exhausting and you often wonder if you'll ever stop having to break up fights or disciplining or changing diaper after diaper or have time to yourself ever again.  Lately it's been getting better and better.  There are new challenges that come with my boys getting older (more discipline, more fighting), but along with those challenges comes a bond.  They make each other laugh, they're starting to play, they're wrestling often (above they're wrestling in a slide at Chick Fil A), and they're taking an interest in each other.  I know this will only get better with time and in a few short years I'll be able to cook dinner in peace while watching them play out back from the kitchen window and I'll miss being in the middle of it all and I'll miss them being so tiny.  So I'm loving them and their relationship.  A whole lot.  ;)

THREE

Fruit smoothies! I cut all my nursing points out of my Weight Watchers daily points allowance because my loss was slowing down and E's drinking of whole milk is increasing so I've needed to make myself things that will satisfy without using a lot of points.  Right now I'm loving this little recipe:

5 strawberries

1/4 cup frozen blueberries

1/3 banana

2T strawberry yogurt

splash of apple juice

4 ice cubes

Blend, blend, blend and YUM!  I'd add spinach too, but that actually hurts E's little tummy so for now just fruity goodness I try to drink slowly.

FOUR

Opening the windows while the air is crisp.  We've still been up in the 80s by mid-afternoon but the mornings and evenings are cool and I just love the way the fall air makes the house smell.  I can't wait until we park it in the 60s/70s for awhile so this can be an all day thing!

FIVE 

Pumpkin spice lattes.  Isn't this on EVERYONE'S list this month?! But seriously, so yummy!  Those and caramel apple spices.  Mmmm!!!!  Just all hot drinks are so good now.  I've been cheap and have only bought one PSL so far, but I've been really enjoying a cup of green tea a few nights a week.  So good!

What are you loving this month? Head to Julie's blog and link up with us! :)

Do-Be-Mem: Live Simply

Oh hi, world! It's been awhile hasn't it? I really had the BEST intentions when I started this blog of posting regularly... I thought that it would challenge me to be more creative if I made a blog centered around creativity.  Little did I realize all those months ago TIME to be creative or blog at all (my own little private blog I use to document our family is seriously suffering as well!) would become very, very limited and full of other things.

The truth is that I miss blogging a whole lot.  I miss sharing my thoughts and projects with these people of the Internet I've formed relationships with!  I've actually managed to do a lot of great projects lately, have another little baby's birthday coming up, and want to share things like details of our trip to Disney World with you!  There's lots to blog about, but I've got to get back into the swing of things.  Link ups are great about putting you back into the swing of things... they challenge you to think about things someone else thought up and that's just what I need! So today I'm linking up with my sweet blogging friend Maegan in her new link up, "Do, be, mem." Essentially her weekly challenge is for you to DO one thing, challenge yourself to BE something and for you to MEMORIZE a little something of your choosing, so this week I'll share my goals for next week with you.

DO: 

Blog!!! I think I've explained this pretty well already.  ;)

BE:

Simple.  My mantra this year has been "live simply" and yet it is so easy to become obsessed with living extravagantly and spending money frivolously.  I've seen a lot of bloggers lately "loving what they have" and even my friend April encouraged me in a blog post she wrote when it came to fall decorating to search my home before spending a lot of money and I did and I think what I ended up making was so much better, cuter, and more "this family" than I could have purchased.  The challenge here is to love what I have, look in the clearance section, hit thrift stores/garage sales, save more money, cook good meals, opt for the backyard over the gas to the park... not always, but more.  All these little things will add up!

MEMORIZE:

Along that line, I'm aiming to memorize this quote by CS Lewis:

source

5 Things I'm Loving Right Now!

So this is my first official link up on this blog! I've done link ups in the past on a different blog and always, always enjoyed them because people give such fun prompts or directions for a post which makes for easy, breezy, fun writing!  Perfect for a Monday!  So without further ado, I give you 5 things I'm loving right now which is linking back to Julie's blog.

5. "Live Simply" 
This has been my mantra lately.  It is so easy to find ways to be discontent.  I love to cook, clean, decorate and organize but these things aren't my daily reality.  Especially the decorating because that requires more funding than I have.  So when I find myself feeling edgy and unable to do a project or in want of a second car when I know we can't afford that right now, I remind myself, "live simply," and think about how people have made due for generations without spending loads of money at a time to accomplish everything they want to be accomplishing... you know?  And one day when I have some money put aside, I will order this from Etsy and hang it front and center in my home!

source

2.  All this cute Patriot door decor.
I've never been one to decorate much for any holiday aside from Christmas (mostly due to not having the resources), but this year I'm just in love with all these beautiful, Patriotic wreaths.  I wish I had had more time to construct one for our door!  Next year it's a must!

source

3. This idea of writing journals to give to your children one day.  
I heard this idea as a teenager in regards to keeping a journal to give to your future husband and loved the idea.  I started one when I was seventeen and presented it to Josh when we got married.  It was full of little letters here and there and prayers I had written over him at different times as well as my hopes and dreams.  The same thing would be great for kids and I'd love to get started soon since they're already almost 2 and 8 months!

source

4. Bloom! 
It seems like everyone is already reading Kelle's blog (if you're not, you should check it out - it's beautiful and inspiring).  I've read since Nella's birth story was published which happened to be when I was pregnant with J.  I think every Mom-to-be worries about every little thing that could go wrong but her honesty in her struggle really helped ease my own worries and fears.  Now I'm reading her memoir and am over half way through.  It is funny, emotional, and inspiring.

5. Weight Watchers, and more importantly, my Weight Watchers support group!  
I've mentioned before that I'm on WW (see my about me).  I started in December and have lost 28lbs.  It feels so, so good.  I love the program and the meetings, but most of all I love the community of women I've met on Twitter who have helped inspire me, hold me accountable, and encourage me every step of the way.  You can find me on Twitter here (@mynestinstincts).  Feel free to join us if you're on Weight Watchers and need encouragement!  Our hashtag is #wwladies (or go here) and we'd love to help you and be helped by you!

Thanks again, Julie, for such a fun posting prompt! :)

<center><a href="http://back2basicsblog.com/5-linkup/"><img src="http://back2basicsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/5things150.png" /></a></center>