Tasty diet chicken recipe & a little check in.

I mentioned lately on Instagram I may start blogging how I'm cooking my boring diet food and some friends seemed interested, so here I am ready to share!

To recap... I'm on an intense diet right now.  I'm only consuming 800 calories a day (under Doctor and Nutritionist supervision!) and receiving weekly HCG/B12 injections in addition to taking B vitamins 3x a day.  I've completed 18 days of the diet and have 66 days left to go.  While on the diet I should lose 1/2-1lb a day.

Week 1 I lost 6.2lbs.
Week 2 I lost 5lbs.

I've also lost a lot of inches in 2 weeks... 2.5" off my stomach, 1/2" off each arm, 3" off my bust and breasts, 1-2" off each leg (like, literally I'm losing more from one leg than the other - ha!)... it's been great and the loss and daily visible changes keeps me highly motivated!

Here's my initial picture taken 2 weeks ago today and my week 1 picture taken 1 week ago today (another one being taken tonight - yay!).

Can you tell a difference in just 1 week?

And this is my face after 10 days.  Lots of differences!

please excuse my wild, crazy hair on the right. it was curly so the pony tail was all wobber-jawed.

So my daily eating looks like this...

Breakfast: 1 egg
Lunch: 5oz lean protein (fish, chicken or tuna usually) and 3.5oz vegetable (mostly green)
Snack: 1 piece of fruit (usually a bartlett pear)
Dinner: 5oz lean protein and 3.5oz vegetable
Snack: 1 piece of fruit or 1 cup grapes/melon or 1/4 cup berries
+ a TON of water

I can't use any "yummy" things on chicken like BBQ sauce and I've limited my sodium intake astronomically.  I still want my Diet Coke as a treat for the 3 liters of water I drink each day, so I've tried to cut salt completely.  This has made cooking really challenging because I LOVE eating and I LOVE flavor (obviously!).  So I've really been flexing my culinary and healthy muscles and working to find ways to make food delicious without salt or using too much sodium.

...On a sidenote I was SO pumped to try Mrs. Dash which is a sodium free seasoning after day 1 and rushed to the store to get some... yah, I was so disappointed because without salt food is just... dry!

But I'm trying to remedy that.  I've learned using low sodium broths can help with my cooking and here's a go-to chicken recipe I use several times a week.

Ingredients 
1/2 cup low sodium fat free chicken broth
1/2 bay leaf
pepper
garlic powder
5 oz chicken (or whatever you're eating)

First, I pour the broth and a little water in the pan.  Then I cover the chicken with pepper and garlic powder (seriously, I COVER!  These seasonings are strong so they help with the no salt thing).  Then, place the chicken in the pan and top with your half bay leaf torn in half.  Cover and let simmer.

After a few minutes I check my fluids and notice they're running low from that steaming business.  So, I cut my chicken into pieces with my spatula to cook faster and pour in a little more water.  Then simmer covered a few more minutes.

Once you notice your chicken isn't pink inside I remove the lid.  The fluids are usually gone by none and your starting to smell that burned smell from your pan (yay! Dishes will require scrubbing!).  I then let the chicken brown up and get a little crispy off that burned stuff so it's slightly caramelized.  This helps!

Then push onto a plate sans bay leaves and enjoy!  You could also bake chicken this way at 350* for 45 minutes, but anytime you bake chicken, let it stand 5 minutes so the juices redistribute!  Baking chicken has been my go-to this weekend because it's a little crunchier.

And, if you must, salt that chicken.  It's hard to quit cold turkey but any cut back and water increase will help you with water weight and reaching your goals!

Week 1: Weight Results & Lessons Learned

So a few weeks ago I posted about how I was changing my diet plan from Weight Watchers to a Doctor/Nutrionist supervised HCG/B12 combined with an 800 calorie day eating plan.  In that post I discussed how I would have to work hard for 3-4 months to achieve my ultimate weight goal and while reaching my goal so quickly feels a little like bucking the system, I know from experience it will take hard work to get there and even harder work to maintain the weight.

(what a day of eating looks like for me)

In light of that, I discussed how this journey is just as much about me finding freedom from addiction to food, struggle with seeking it for comfort, and a history of binge eating.  I began my diet last Thursday and had my first weigh in yesterday.  I am SO thrilled to be down 6.2lbs for my first week (which only included 4 days of eating 800 calories so I'm anxious to see next week's numbers!).

As excited as I am about the weightloss, I'm also very excited about the change working in me.  I bought a journal last Thursday and have been writing at least every other day about what I'm learning - mostly about myself - as I wage war internally to overcome and win this addiction to food and binge eating.  Ultimately I know I could seek therapy and get professional help, but I've really come to believe the issue is deeply rooted between me and God.

a sweaty mess after 13 minutes walking/7 minutes jogging (at a 4.5 - the pacest pace I've ever ran!)

I know the binge eating started when I was in High School and went through a semi-traumatic experience and that my weight has just yo-yoed since even to the point of self-sabatoge when I get to my goal weight.  I know facing my demons and getting to the root of my problems will be so vital and important in overcoming and I believe I can overcome.  I believe I'm stronger than my past and I don't want it to define me years later and keep me in bondage to this struggle with weight and food.

This week I've already learned so much about how I seek food when my environment is chaotic or when I go into a day without a plan.  I've learned that although I'm not a person who minds a good pajama day, not getting ready and investing time in myself in the morning is vital to my outlook, mood and success for the day.  I've learned little things like getting outside or exercising does better my mood and my resolve and my outlook on life.

And I've impressed myself.  When given the chance to slum or work, I chose work.  I chose to work out and I've been making it a priority every day since.  Even if the work is a 20 minute walk when I can  and then 15 minutes with arm weights later and 10 minutes working my core even later, it's something and it's time invested little by little in making myself better and feeling proud of myself for deciding to just do.

It's early in my diet and things like choosing to exercise may not come so easily in the coming weeks, but my resolve is to change myself and maybe in the situations where my world feels chaotic instead of seeking to find control in eating, I can find control in NOT eating or getting outside or picking up my weights and keeping good form.

And there's been lots of praying.  Lots of soul searching.  I was just talking to my Mom today about sin and over eating and weight problems as sin.  We discussed wether or not like any other sin we believed you could be made free.  I believe I can be made free.  I don't believe the struggle will ever end because I think this is it, this is my struggle, this is what will plague me my whole life.  But I do think I can be the victor day after day and even if I'm not for one day, I can be the next meal or the next day.  I don't have to spiral downward and I don't have to make that choice.  I believe I can be healed and whole and free from this.

I don't know how many will care about the emotional parts of this journey, but I want to keep sharing bits and pieces of the not-too-personal-just-between-me/God/husband-stuff with you because I believe there are tons of women (and men!) who struggle with this same plight and maybe my openness can help you.

a skirt i bought at j crew factory (for $20) 2 sizes smaller as motivation through the journey.

What's in my diaper bag (when my kids are 2.5 and 17 months)

So, speaking of spring cleaning, today I decided to clean out and wash my diaper bag!  It was becoming overrun with receipts and just needed a good cleaning.  Anyway, while I was unloading the contents, I decided to snap a quick pic and share what I always have in there for my non-baby-now-toddlers.

So obviously there's the essentials... I always keep two diapers (my boys were a 5 & a 4 but can wear each others if needed) and a mostly used bag of wipes so it's not too bulky in there.  I also have a free sample Huggies changing pad pack I've never used but keep in there because you never know when you'll encounter a nasty diaper table and have to do a change.  I always keep diaper supplies at the bottom of my bag's main section because these days we rarely need it and I'm accessing other things more often.

Then there's the mom stuff.  I keep my wallet, keys (unpictured), a small pad to jot down quick notes or numbers or lists and a pen as well as a few of my favorite Chick Fil A sauces, gum, and *ahem* emergency equipment a lady may need.  I keep most of these things in a zip pouch in the front of my bag away from the kid's stuff so I can find what I need quickly (and this pouch is hidden so they open it less if I leave my bag out).

Then there's snacks, of course!  I always keep a bag of peanut butter crackers because you never know who will be really hungry and need a little protein hit.  I keep at least 3 Dum Dums on me because they're GREAT distractions when I'm pushing two toddlers through a grocery store or they're stuck in a stroller.  Our bank gives Smarties.  I only ever ask for two but they usually give me more and I throw the extra ones in the bag in case I need to pull out the big guns and you know, get like, 5 seconds of relief from tears or tantrums.  ;)  And then there's the apple sauce squeezer that's in there mostly so I feel like if they need a healthy snack, they have it.  Depending on our outing, I usually toss a couple bags of goldfish or pretzels in the bag too.  My oldest is over carts at the store so giving him a bag of goldfish to hold and eat keeps his hands off things and on his food and makes him less apt to run ahead of me.  I keep big snacks (like bags of carb-y things) on top of diapers and easily accessible and then the little snacks I keep in mesh pockets that line the inside of the bag so they're more organized and not just loose in the bag.

The "you never know when you'll need it!" supplies which is hand wipes and napkins and sunscreen.  You never know when hands will get grubby and a sink or wipes won't be handy or a major spill will happen!  Or when you'll spend more time in the sunshine than you expected (a good problem to have!). I also keep these in mesh pockets inside my back.

And finally, boredom killers.  I rely on snacks and suckers to keep my kiddos occupied, but when we're out to eat or waiting in a Doctor's office, it's so great to have one of these little coloring books from the Target $1 bins handy.  The come with crayons, stickers, and a book to color in the handy little pack.  I toss it in it's only little zipper section I rarely use and it's there when I need it.

OH and lest I forget DRINKS.  My kids want their drinks all the time.  I pack up two sippy cups of milk or juice before we head out and put them on the outside pockets of the bag so they can grab them and then fill a water bottle up and stick it in the bag for when/if they run out of juice/milk.  Sometimes I also bring an extra juice box to fill a sippy cup back up if necessary.  Once I didn't bring a water bottle with me and we took an unplanned trip to hike some trails and play at the park.  J had already finished his cup of milk and E had finished his.  They'd also already knocked out the juice box.  My poor baby was begging for water the whole way to the grocery store and I felt so bad for him!  NEVER AGAIN!

The bag I carry is a Ju-Ju-Be* messenger bag in case you were wondering...  I love it because it's fun and bright and just slings across my chest.  A similar one can be found HERE (they don't carry the style I have any more).  I could have never afforded one but received it as a gift and love to use it because there's SO much storage space and different areas for different things.

And sometimes, since my kids are older and we go nicer places for a shorter period, I do bring a purse. I have a larger pink and cream stripe J Crew bag from last season I LOVE and I've been using it a lot lately.  I just toss in my wallet, gum, keys, snacks, a couple diapers, wipes, and their water bottles and we head out the door!  Older kids still require a lot of packing, but it's nice not to have to take extra clothes and formula or ice packs for breast milk and ALL of that anymore.

*This is not a post sponsored by Ju-Ju-Be and I'm not being paid for this.  These are my own thoughts and opinions and my bag was purchased as a gift from a family member several years ago.

Spring Cleaning Pinspiration

Well, spring has sprung in Oklahoma! I think (fingers crossed and knock on wood) the cold days are behind us and the forecast ahead looks spring-y.  The highs range from 65-80 (Oklahoma is crazy like that) and every few days there's 10-30% chances of rain.  The kids and I spent almost 2 hours at the park with my Mom today walking and playing and enjoying being in the fresh air and free from jackets.

As the cold weather makes it's exodus and the fresh breezes move in, I find myself getting that "nesting instinct" that comes with spring (or any time in your third trimester of pregnancy!).  I feel like it's been a few years since I've been able to do a solid "spring clean" in our home what with pregnancy, baby/pregnancy, young toddler/baby these last few years... but this year, I have nap time and with my diet I've started I notice I have more energy AND I need to avoid being too stationary and feeling the temptation to snack!  So the bug bit me and now I'm festering with "CLEAN AND ORGANIZE ALL THE THINGS!"

I want to minimize our clutter and maximize our storage.  I want to clean windows and pull weeds and plant seed.  I want to clean closets and bag up clothes for Goodwill and box up clothes J passes to E and then E outgrows (tear!).  I want to feel the sense of a fresh start spring offers.  The newness.  The rebirth.  The introduction to lazy, fun summer days...

Here's a little inspiration I've found on Pinterest lately.

I still have blank space above my kitchen cabinets.  What if I put rarely used kitchen items in pretty baskets and stuck them up there instead of wasting cabinet space with those items?

Source: theorganisedhousewife.com.au via Ashley on Pinterest

I have baskets under our master bath sink, but they've become SO disorganized!  I've never thought about building shelves there and maximizing the space!  Especially under the kitchen sink.  That is a LOT of wasted space!

Source: pregnantpower.blogspot.com via Ashley on Pinterest

My car is in SERIOUS need of a spring clean.  Complete with washing the car seats!  Also?  With J 2.5 now and E 17 months, we're at a point where I can start switching from diaper bag to purse depending the outing.  A little station in my car with diapers, wipes, sunscreen, extra socks, and other essentials all but eliminates the need for a diaper bag for most outings!

Source: decorganizecrafts.blogspot.com via Ashley on Pinterest

And lastly for now... I love this for pen storage stuck on the 'fridge! I'm always digging for pens when on the phone to Doctors and such.

Source: marthastewart.com via Ashley on Pinterest

So what about you? Are you all about spring cleaning, fresh starts, and a rush of hormones urging you to nest and tidy up your space?  What's your Pinspiration lately? I'm hoping with this new surge of energy (and time!) I'll be able to blog through my nesting (and more crafting!) journey.

Easter Wreath DIY

Hello, friends! This weekend I was able to enjoy 2 hours to myself while the Mister stayed home with the kiddos and I found myself pushing a cart all through Hobby Lobby looking for Easter inspiration.  I knew I wanted to make a wreath because 1) I'm obsessed with them and 2) my Valentine's day wreath was starting to look silly.  So I found a few things, mustered up and idea and got my eager hands working Saturday night.  This is what I came up with:

It has a lot of symbolism to me, personally.  I liked that this type of wreath looks a little like what we see as a crown of thorns in Elementary school passion plays.  I also liked that it looked a bit like a nest which is very spring-like.  I liked the purple flowers because purple is such a big color during the Easter pageantry mostly symbolizing Christ as the King who has conquered the grave (can I get an amen?).  And purple is another great spring color.  Then there's the cross representing, duh, the cross!  And the paper I used on it I wanted to look like text from the Bible.  I personally love it and am quite proud of it!

Would you like to make something similar?  I took pics along the way to form the tutorial below in case you do.

The supplies:
- Branch like wreath
- Stem of purple flowers
- 1 piece scrapbook paper
- 1 piece cardboard
- 1 glue stick
- Scissors
- Hot glue gun

First you'll make the cross.  I drew a cross shape on my cardboard as a reference when cutting.  You could use a stencil if you're technical and not rushed, of course.  Then, I used a glue stick to glue the entire scrapbook page to the back of the cardboard.  I actually did this before bedtime so it'd be good and dry for cutting.  I left it drying about 30 minutes total.  Then, I cut along my outside outlines for the cross and trimmed up from there until it was just the shape I wanted.  Pretty easy!

Next up, I cut the flowers from their stem.  I paid a little more for my flowers (the stem was $6 but I used a 40% off coupon to justify the price) because the stems were wire on bottom, but loose up top for a more natural look.  I didn't have wire cutters so I knew this would be important when it came to just using scissors.  I snipped them all up in varying lengths and then wove them into one side of the wreath.  I had to tuck some under branches in certain places to make them not stick out.

Sorry these pics are blurry!

And finally, I hot glued on my little cross and was done!  I ended up attaching a thin white ribbon to a secure branch on the wreath to hang on my door's nail.  If you have a wreath hook it should work fine, but I'm using a nail so it wasn't just going to stick there!  The pic below is pretty bad and the light is weird, but I'm throwing it up so you can see the ribbon.

Happy Easter, y'all! 

Changing the plan, finding freedom.

source

My Mom and I have had the same conversation a thousand times.  We talk about how we struggle with weight and how much it sucks.  How it's our own fault because it's a struggle we fail to win, and how everyone has struggles, but weight is one of the worst because you wear your shortcomings.  I walk around and it's obvious "that girl's addicted to food and that's where she seeks comfort!" whereas most people struggle with something private and secret.  And maybe it's better this way... to be exposed so openly in my sin because it should keep me accountable, but it doesn't always seem fair because don't we all just want to hide behind sin and shame?

And so the struggle has waged on for 24 years inside me.  Eat the food.  Diet.  Get emotional.  Eat the food.  Become sad I turned to the food.  Eat more food.  Feel shame.  Hide the food.  Hide the shame.  Fail to lose weight.  Fail to stay thin.  Fail to achieve my goals and dreams and hopes for my own health and body.

It wasn't until I was in my 20s and married that I realized there's a diagnosis for this.  It's called binge eating disorder and I meet so many of the symptoms.  My husband who has his own struggles, but none of them his weight, is kind and encouraging and suggested a few times a therapist might help, but I've never known anyone (personally) to find more help in a therapist than becoming honest and open with the people around them and learning to have at their struggles on their own.

And that's where I've been.  The last 14 months I've been on Weight Watchers and I've lost 35lbs!  That is a great, fantastic achievement and I'm proud of myself.  The weight came off slower than I'd hoped and when I started and hoped to lose 94lbs total I thought the goal could be achieved in 2 years, not 3 and the slowness became discouraging.  But still, mind over matter, focus on the positive, keep going!  That was my mantra.  And I rocked it.  I had friends online who were great accountability and my family got on the program so my Mom was great accountability and all was going well.  And then the winter season came and the holidays and you know how that is.  And then when I started 2013 with a fierce resolve and did quite well, after one week into the new year my kids started getting sick, and then me and then Josh, and then we were well for about a week and then it all cycled through again and then the AFib and then I got sick and now E is sick with another ear infection and J woke up with a cold.  And those aren't excuses when you're highly motivated, but in my discouragement I let myself give into the deceptive comfort a brownie may bring and I could never get on board again.  I couldn't find my focus and my drive.

And you guys?  That left me raw.  And broken.  And sad.  And at war with myself... And basically all the things someone who struggles with overcoming an addiction feels in those moments of weakness and wanting to triumph and feel victory.  And I sat in my kids' room and I just sobbed because I have worked hard this last year and I have learned so, so much about myself and my body and dieting and even more I've spent 12 years dieting and learning and I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT!

I thought about other Mom bloggers... their words danced in my head and I heard them saying things about how in these little years an unkempt house, cereal dinners, and the extra baby weight is just all part of it and to embrace it all.  I heard the more mature, seasoned Mom bloggers talking about learning to love themselves and I feel that; I get where they are coming from - I do, BUT for me this is about more than just looking good or feeling pride in my appearance it's about overcoming and triumphing and seeing a lifetime of struggle not end (it will never end because this is my struggle), but be overcome in this battle of my mind and emotions and body.

I talked to Josh a lot that day/night/next day.  We talked about how Weight Watchers wasn't working and my dreams of success and how I just felt like if I could get to my goal and taste the sweet victory and then apply all of what I've learned on myself and go back to Weight Watchers as a Lifetimer for the long haul... if I could just GET THERE I'd feel victory.  But the problem then in that moment of pain and defeat was I felt I'd never get there.  There was still 60lbs to go and I was making no headway.  I needed new challenges and motivation.

So after a lot of thought, we decided I should call a Nutritionist I saw in 2007 when I did an extreme diet and lost 40lbs in 8 weeks that summer.  Then, I did a liquid protein fast.  It worked and I was thrilled to taste success, but at just 18 and never really having been thin before and having no idea how to manage my weight (see being thin meant I suddenly thought I could eat what I wanted) I gained it all back slowly until 2009 when I was back in that place and then passed it.  The diet was hard and Josh met me before I started so he walked with me through it.  And he hated it because it seemed crazy, but he was happy for me for feeling good about myself.  But when I stopped?  He took me for Italian and I ate a huge plate of lasagna, a caesar salad, and we got dessert too, I think.  Anyway, I called that Nutritionist and we found a new, healthier approach where I can still eat and just restrict myself harshly and get his help along the way and monitored and I can lose .5-1lb a day.  It's a new start beginning next week and it'll be HARD.  It'll take 8-12 weeks, but then I should be there.  I should meet my goal.

In a way, rapid weightloss feels like cheating.  Other people work years and years and lose the weight slowly.  The truth for me is I have worked years and years I'm just speeding it up at the end.  And this isn't surgery, it's still work... it's hard work.  Harder work than I've committed to since 2007 and it'll get me there.  And so really, rapid weightloss isn't cheating, but it could cheat me.  In 2007 when I was naive getting there too quickly and not understanding was what made me unable to stay there.  Now, I'm hoping I can go on this 3 month journey and end it ready to apply all I've learned in the last year on Weight Watchers about myself and my body and weight and maintaining.  Like, for example, I'm the person who HAS to always watch what they eat or they gain weight.  If I stop, I don't maintain, I gain. It's just how it is and so forever I have to track my eating and be smart and make good decisions.

And outside of that... outside of learning about the dieting and maintaining I'm hoping for a mental bootcamp of sorts.  I'm hoping I can take this time of struggle and hunger and transformation and not only be transformed on the outside as far as my weight is concerned, but also transformed inside.  I'm laying my yolk and this burden on Jesus and asking him to help me overcome this sin in my life... this struggle with turning to food and making it a place of comfort.  I need so desperately to learn to see Him as a comforter when times are hard and that is really the crux of this journey.  If I can't learn that, I'll never get there and stay there because through Him, I am made free and the chains that bind me to my sins and my struggles can be broken.  It takes work on my part too, but He can help me and He's already started helping me by showing me a way and giving me a wonderful community of support.

So why am I sharing and being so raw and vulnerable here in the Internet where anyone could say anything hurtful in response to this?  Well, first because so many people I met online through Weight Watchers were such a great support system to me.  I've deleted Twitter from my phone for lent so I didn't announce anything about this there yet, but I just wanted everyone to know and hopefully still support me and I still want to support you in your diet journey too!  I'm also saying it all because this blog is my second blog... My first was about my family and my only identity there was "MOM."  I'm trying to find who I am outside of that role and the wife role and this new blog was created a year ago to cultivate creativity and encourage me to pursue things I enjoy more like crafts or cooking or simple writing just so I could share.  I believe this will be a big, personal journey for me and this blog may become a place a share the walk (you know - in lieu of recipes - lol) and now you'll know why and I'll have something to point back to to say HERE.  Here is where this started.  Here is where I made the decision to be extreme and also to seek Jesus and change my life.

Thanks for listening.

source Pinterest (bad link)