I did Weight Watchers for 14 months and lost 34lbs. Then I gained some back. I was 249.9 when I started Weight Watchers (3 months post partum with baby #2). In March of this year I started a 14 week program where I received HCG/B vitamin injections and was on an 800 calorie a day diet of specific foods for 12 weeks. I was under Doctor and Nutritionist supervision and met with a nurse at the weightloss clinic I went to weekly. I lost 53lbs in 14 weeks. I started weighing 222.9 (seriously with all the .9s!) and ended around 171.
Two weeks ago I rejoined Weight Watchers after ending my time on the HCG program. Joining WW to get to 155lbs (my goal weight) and to lose these last 16lbs was always the plan. I want to hit Lifetime there and I think Weight Watchers is the only diet you can do in real life and for the rest of your life. I also love the support you get from real people be it the staff or other members.
SO... How have the last two weeks been? I'm getting this question a lot and thought I'd answer here.
I was VERY anxiety ridden last week with my first week on Weight Watchers (although I had had one last HCG injection). I was very careful my first week to follow the stabilization phase 2 plan my nutritionist laid out for me and limited carbs/starches to less than 15g a day (IE 2 pieces of 45 calorie bread). I continued to eat mostly fruits and vegetables. I enjoyed the reintroduction of olive oil to my foods and was thankful for cheese, yogurt, and sugar free popsicles. With the change in diet, I upped my activity level from running 4-5 days a week for 1-2 miles to running 5-6 days a week from 1.5-3.5 miles. I also increased day-to-day activities... getting out with the kids even more, swimming more, going places that demanded fitness on days I didn't run (the zoo, etc)... And that first week I lost 1lb on Weight Watchers and hit 169lbs! I was thrilled as 169 was my 80lb mark and HEY I was in the ONE-SIXTIES. It felt good.
I honestly had expected to gain that week, but I didn't and I was on top of the world! Then this week happened...
I increased my carb intake slightly (following point counting more and being concerned with quality of food less). I let myself eat a few ounces of red potatoes the same day I had bread on a sandwich but then I also started eating a few chips or rice cakes here and there. I also let myself have two slices of pizza instead of one slice. But that aside, I followed the Weight Watchers program. I tracked all the things and only used 1 of my 49 extra points in the week. I also earned activity points almost every day I used a few days, but not all of them and not every day. I ran harder last week than I did in weeks past and I felt good aside from a bloated stomach (increased carbs). I also took measurements and was down an inch in both legs and 1/2" in my arms. But then I weighed today and I was up 1.4lbs!
I had expected that last week and it didn't happen so I had warm fuzzies about losing 1lb a week and the irony that it'd take me 14 weeks to lose the last 14lbs which is hilarious since it took me 14 weeks to get to a place to be able to say "I only have to lose 14 more pounds!"
I don't think my gain was true. I weighed mid day after eating and drinking. I also think my body is still figuring it all out in post. My metabolism is firing up and trying to remember how to process the processed food. I am still filling it with mostly good things (like 80-90%!) but now there's a few junky things here and there it's working to process... AND AND AND it was my first week without HCG.
But where did that leave me? It left me a little bummed. It left me disappointed. I never wanted to see a gain again! And instead of being strong and running out feelings or talking them out I ate a few too many rice cake chips tonight to take the edge off. And although that's a former habit returning in the worst way, it didn't leave me with any kind of satisfaction but rather extreme frustration with myself and a new resolve for tomorrow. Because I DID NOT go backwards, I just had a weird week. That was something I expected. I expected a month of maintaining while I figured it out. SO WHY was I freaking out over it? Why was I eating these rice cake chips?
The thing about coming off the diet is that there's a little of a invincibility complex. You just shed 53lbs because you were awesome and had the will power of a beast and you did this thing! And you changed so much outside and inside so maybe you're just changed alltogether, right? Maybe you can now eat all the things and just stay skinny?! And then you have a moment like this and you remember "I cannot lose my will ever. This is an every day for the rest of my life journey and I have to take control EVERY SINGLE DAY."
And although that's a little exhausting, it's just reality. Every single day a former smoker or alcoholic decides not to smoke or drink knowing one drink will cause another and another and another and you'll be drunk on the floor by day's end completely relapsed. And maybe it won't be a full relapse... maybe it'll just be that one night, but still... you'll suffer the consequences and feel like crap inside and outside.
So what have a learned in this reentry season?
1) Processed food is hard on the body. I've literally had a stomach ache every single day I've been not eating the healthful diet I had before (lean protein, fruits, vegetables). Some days the stomach ache is mild like pregnancy and some days it's horrible and I feel like I'll throw up. That's been a hard, hard thing and I hope it goes away soon. And if you're like, "then why do it?!" ...I'm doing it (in small quantities USUALLY) because in life I'll have the option to eat things and I always want to know I have a choice. There will be birthday cakes and vacations and all these things and I want to know I can eat a salted caramel when we go to Disney World in September without having a stomach ache. Do I need the whole square? No. I should split it with my family and will. But do I want it and is something like that ok in moderation? YES.
2) Working out daily matters. Days I don't work out in any form I am weakest. I want to eat more; I choose worse things (I only ate chips the two days I didn't run last week and then today which I also didn't run on). Even if it's push ups at nap time it'll motivate me to do better.
3) Eliminating chaos still matters. I realized this early on in the diet. Chaos was a trigger that caused me to want to cope with my drug of choice: food. Right now my home is in extreme disarray and instead of cleaning I've tried to keep getting out of the house which is good, but always a little stressful with toddlers and the problem is we're always coming home to a messy house they make messier. Tomorrow we planned to be at the zoo, but I have decided we will spend the morning home cleaning and just doing one quick grocery trip before Josh's parents come into town. I'll feel better having done it!
4) I have to be obsessed. Josh asked me lately what consumed me now that food didn't; what was my "drug" now that I didn't have food. I answered a few days later saying the success of it all... the accomplishing weight goals, the seeing before and after pics, the measuring, the rush of trying on a size small top and size 8 shorts and those things fitting... the buying size 10s at J Crew... all of that is a rush. And to stay there I do things like weigh daily multiple times and still measure food and try to be so aware and so careful. I also make my running a priority. I take the me time now in that way. It is vital and no longer do I feel awkward asking for time; I expect it. And I know that sounds kind of bad, but my husband is so supportive and all in all it's good he has that 20-40 minutes in the mornings with just the kids while I do my thing to clear my head and start the day on the best possible note.
5) Your resolve will weaken. My didn't the first week, but week 2, I started to weaken. And that sucked. Seeing myself make a bad choice tonight makes me know I am still a person who struggles with this. Do I believe I'll ever let myself get back to 250 or 220 or 200 or 180? NO. I don't believe I'll ever be that person again, but I know that I'll always struggle with abusing food and that I'm not immune to failure in this capacity.
So that's kind of how I'm doing. After the great rice cake chip debacle tonight and in preparations for July 4th (which is mostly grilling and fruit so that's not too worrisome!) I've already pre determined tomorrow I'll start the day running and I'll follow a strict regiment of healthier food options. Lean protein, fruits, veggies. I plan to skip the carbs and the sugar and maybe even the dairy. I may even just have to spend my weekend doing this little detox too.
Bottom line? There is SO much learning. Learning about my body and what I can and cannot eat and how to handle emotions and food and what to not buy as a snack because I might abuse it (ahem, rice cake chips). I'll get the hang of it and I'm still crossing my fingers I can be down 2lbs next week and get back to the .5lb-1lb a week average! My greatest hope is to hit lifetime by E's birthday which is 10/15. I was 265lbs the day he was born and I'd love to be 155lbs the day he turns 2! Two years and 110lbs later.
I can still do this!
1 comment:
Wow, you have done amazingly well, and look stunning. Well done x
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